When a relationship ends, emotions often run high, particularly if assets, children, or long-standing financial ties are involved. One of the most challenging and frustrating aspects of separation or divorce is navigating the financial settlement process. Ideally, both parties come together to reach a fair and equitable agreement. However, that’s not always the case. Some individuals find themselves facing obstacles due to a former partner’s unwillingness to engage, delay tactics, or outright refusal to cooperate.

This kind of situation can leave one party feeling stuck, powerless, and anxious about the future. But rest assured, if your ex is making it difficult to finalise financial matters, you are not without options. With careful planning, legal guidance, and emotional resilience, you can work towards achieving a fair resolution — even if the process takes longer than expected.

Why Financial Settlements Matter

A financial settlement is an essential part of separating because it aims to bring closure, fairness, and security to the end of a shared life. Without a settlement, financial ties continue indefinitely, creating uncertainty and vulnerability for both parties. This is particularly important if one or both of you plans to remarry, buy property, or make long-term financial commitments.

Settlements usually cover division of property, savings, pensions, debts, and sometimes ongoing financial responsibilities like spousal or child maintenance. In England and Wales, these settlements can be formalised through a financial consent order from the Family Court, making them legally binding.

If your ex refuses to engage in this process, it doesn’t mean the settlement won’t happen — but it does mean you’ll need to take additional steps to protect your interests and push the process forward.

Common Reasons for Delays or Non-Cooperation

Before jumping into solutions, it’s important to understand why a former partner might be dragging their feet. There can be many reasons, some intentional and others rooted in emotional or practical struggles:

– Emotional turmoil: Grief, anger, or denial often cloud judgment. An ex may not be ready to accept the finality of the separation.
– Power dynamics: Delaying a settlement may be a way to maintain control or punish you emotionally or financially.
– Avoidance or procrastination: Some individuals simply find the paperwork, decisions, or confrontation daunting and delay it inadvertently.
– Financial gain: Your ex might believe that delaying the settlement contributes to a more favourable outcome for them, such as retaining use of property or avoiding spousal maintenance.
– Misinformation: Perhaps they’ve received misleading legal advice or are unaware of the consequences of delaying the process.

While empathy can help calm tensions, it’s also critical to recognise when your former partner’s behaviour obstructs your rights — and what you can do about it.

Starting With Communication and Mediation

If your ex is not cooperating, your first step should be to try to open a pathway for communication. This might involve sending a message through a solicitor or attempting direct contact if you feel safe and comfortable doing so.

Keep the tone non-confrontational. Make it clear that resolving financial matters benefits both sides and provides certainty moving forward. Sometimes, reminding your ex that a voluntary arrangement is almost always preferable to legal enforcement might nudge them into action.

If direct talks are not fruitful, mediation is often the next step. Mediation involves a neutral third party who helps both individuals reach a compromise. It’s normally faster, less expensive, and less adversarial than going to court.

Participating in mediation shows the courts that you’ve made a genuine attempt to resolve issues amicably. In most circumstances, it is now a legal requirement to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before making a court application, unless exemptions apply (for instance, in cases involving domestic abuse).

Legal Routes When Mediation Fails

If efforts to resolve matters informally or through mediation have run into dead ends, it’s time to involve the courts. While taking legal action can feel overwhelming or daunting, it’s often necessary when one party refuses to engage.

Taking the legal route does not require the cooperation of your ex to start. You can apply to the court for a financial remedy order, which initiates the formal process of distributing assets and obligations.

The financial remedy process involves specific stages:

– Form A submission: This initiates court proceedings and leads to a timetable being set.
– Exchange of financial information (Form E): Both parties must disclose their complete financial situation; if your ex fails to do this, the court can compel them.
– First Directions Appointment (FDA): The judge examines the financial information and determines next steps.
– Financial Dispute Resolution Hearing (FDR): Aimed at settling the matter before trial; this is where many cases resolve.
– Final Hearing: If no agreement is reached, the court will impose a decision, which then becomes legally binding.

Yes, this process can be drawn out, but it includes mechanisms to deal with non-cooperative behaviour, such as penalising parties who delay proceedings or fail to disclose information.

Enforcing Compliance and Disclosure

Courts take a dim view of individuals who obstruct justice or ignore court rules and deadlines. If your ex doesn’t provide required financial information, the judge can issue penalties including cost orders, or even strike out their case. In serious instances, failing to comply can lead to enforcement measures such as the seizure of assets or wages.

If they’re hiding assets or lying about their financial position, you may be able to apply for further disclosure orders or forensic investigation. In extreme cases, fraudulent non-disclosure can be grounds to reopen settled arrangements later on.

The important takeaway here is: the law is on your side when it comes to ensuring both parties participate honestly and fairly in the financial settlement process.

Financial Considerations During Delays

While the formal financial settlement is still pending, everyday financial issues don’t simply go away. If you’re the lower-earning party or if there are children involved, you may face serious financial strain during the delay.

In such cases, consider applying for interim financial relief. The court has the power to order one party to provide maintenance or cover specific expenses until the final settlement is reached.

You may also want to keep a detailed record of all financial interactions — who pays for what, any informal agreements, and receipts of shared expenses. This paper trail could prove useful later, not only in legal proceedings but also in determining what’s fair.

Another important tip: avoid making large financial decisions — like buying a new home or significantly changing your income — until the settlement is complete. Your ex’s conduct might tempt you to make unilateral decisions, but always take legal advice before doing so. Such actions could have implications for the final outcome.

When Children Are Involved

Financial settlements often intersect with child arrangements. While they are technically separate legal issues, a lack of cooperation in one area often spills into the other.

It’s especially important to prioritise children’s needs and avoid using them as leverage or bargaining chips. If your ex is using financial arrangements to manipulate time with the children (or vice versa), document this behaviour and talk to your solicitor. Courts aim to maintain the children’s welfare as the central concern and may make orders to ensure their needs are met despite a parent’s obstruction.

Remember, while financial support for children (child maintenance) typically falls outside a court-ordered financial settlement, non-payment can and should be addressed via the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) or the courts where applicable.

Coping with the Emotional Toll

Beyond the legal and financial dimensions, dealing with an uncooperative ex can be emotionally exhausting. It’s natural to feel frustration, anger, sadness, or anxiety, especially when your future is uncertain or plans are put on hold because of someone else’s delays.

Acknowledging these feelings is important — they are valid. Don’t hesitate to seek emotional support from friends, family, or professional counsellors. Joining support groups for people going through similar journeys can also be empowering. Many individuals have walked this path before and found strength through shared experience.

It’s equally vital to look after yourself physically. Stress can take a toll on your health, sleep, and concentration. Getting rest, eating well, and exercising can help you stay resilient during this tough time.

And try to stay focused on your longer-term goals. Every step you take — even the difficult ones — moves you closer to having your freedom and peace of mind restored.

Final Words of Encouragement

Delays in financial settlements due to a former partner’s non-cooperation can be deeply discouraging. It can feel like you’re trapped in a limbo that never ends, especially when you’ve emotionally moved on but remain tethered legally and financially.

However, you’re not powerless. The law provides structured processes and remedies for precisely these situations. With the right legal advice, the support of skilled professionals like mediators and solicitors, and your own strength and patience, you can overcome the roadblocks an ex might place in your way.

While the path may not be smooth or quick, fair resolution is achievable. Keep records, stay informed, and protect your rights — trust that in time, you’ll reach the end of this process with clarity and control over your financial future.